What happens when a child refuses to do his or her homework? You have tried every single thing you can think of, from punishment to bribery, but still, it doesn’t get done. You tried being sympathetic and caring, and you have also tried being firm and angry. Nothing works. Your teen simply digs in heels and refuses to do it. Other parents will give you advice like “Well, make them do it!” But how does this work? You cannot forcibly take a teen’s hands and physically make him or her do the work. So what real options do you have?
Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Control plays a huge role in the relationship parents have with their defiant teens. In fact, things probably feel very much out of control. You cannot control your teen, and they resist your every attempt to control them. The teen seems to have no control over their own impulses, behavior and choices. At the same time, you feel a huge amount of pressure to “get that child under control” by society, friends and family. Before you know it, you and your teen are caught up in a battle over control.
Identify Your Power and Limitations
There are some things you can control, and others that you cannot. Identifying the two can help improve the relationship with your defiant teen. One thing you can control is making sure your teen know your expectations. For example, make sure they understand that being angry is okay, but expressing that anger violently, is not.
You can also control the chances your teens have to make better choices. Give them strategies to deal with their anger, like listening to music or walking away. You can also control the consequences your teens have for breaking the rules, and making sure they are aware of them. Inform your teen of the very real consequences of failing in school or resorting to violent behavior.
You also have the ability to control your own anger. If and when you feel yourself getting angry or frustrated, practice your own coping skills. This also makes you a role model. One thing you cannot control is the behavior of your teen, and your teen cannot control you either.
Get Help For Defiant Teens
Oppositional Defiant Disorder is a real thing, and there are ways to handle it. If you are having difficulty with your teen, there are resources out there that can help. Contact the consultants from parentresources.info and get some much needed assistance. We aim to help parents help their teens. Call us today.